After reading Living in Yellow's post from yesterday (which you can read here) I knew I had to follow suit. It's one of the reasons I started this blog to begin with. To put myself out there. To keep it real. To be more open (gosh this is scary...) So here it is:
1. I'm one of the most jealous people you'll ever meet. I'm constantly comparing myself to others. What I do/have/get is never good enough. And because of all this I usually have at least 1 meltdown a week.
2. I've never felt proud of myself. I graduated Magma Cum Laude from college with a degree in one of the hardest programs they offer. I ran a marathon. I purchased a house with my husband. I've never had credit card debt. I paid off a 10 year student loan in under 8 . I've had other accomplishments. Not once could I say to myself that I felt proud of myself. Deep down I feel like there's always better - I could have done more, done better, someone DID do better or more. But I'm working on this.
3. Being an adult is WAY harder than I EVER imagined. Not only is it hard, but it's downright scary. And a lot of time it's really not that fun.
4. I feel like I'm constantly failing at life. Falling behind. Not where I want to be....not where I thought I'd be. But again, I'm working on this (clearly I'm a constant work in progress ha-ha!)
5. Having kids scares the CRAP outta me...and some days I think I really don't want kids. Things aren't like they were when I was a kid. It's tough out there. Do I really want to put kids through that? What if I fail? What if I'm not a good parent? What if nobody likes my kids? (But deep down I know I'd regret not having kids....so yes, we will have children.)
6. I'm not scared of actually being pregnant. I'm not scared of giving birth. I'm scared of what my body will be like afterwards. Shallow? - yes. But that's the truth.
7. Sometimes I use working out as an escape - from reality - from life - from dealing with anything. I extend my work out sessions just so I don't have to go deal with house issues, or think about how behind I am at work, or run errands, or whatever.
8. I don't know how to just live in the moment. I'm constantly going a mile a minute - all day - every day. I'm constantly stressing about things that may or may not happen in 1 week or even 1 year or 5 years. One of my goals for 2014 is to learn to slow down and just enjoy things - even the smallest of details in my everyday, ordinary life.
9. I don't have many friends.
10. I struggle with communicating. I struggle with being vulnerable (ya know - gotta keep that tough girl image!). I struggle with being open. I struggle with how people see me/judge me. I struggle with trusting. (see #9)
11. I dream of getting a boob job one day.
12. I have a dirty mind. And sometimes inappropriate things come out of my mouth because my mind constantly goes to that place (I swear I was a guy in a different life ha-ha)
13. I legit love to pop zits - my own, my husband's, whoever's (OK maybe not just anyone's but if a friend asked me to pop a zit I totally would!)
I'm sure there are more things but a girl has to have some secrets. But - this post was exhausting and difficult for me. Seriously. But I did it. This is me. Take it or leave it. But I hope you take away something from this post. Take away the fact that we're all humans and we all need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes. We're not perfect. We all have issues. But that doesn't make us bad people. That doesn't make us weak. It makes us HUMAN...it makes us REAL.
Now if only there was a very large glass of wine available to me right now......
Hey ~ I'm Renée...just your ordinary, 30-something Accountant, new mommy, wife, runner, foodie, & Pinterest addict! Welcome to my newest adventure...stay awhile...look around...and keep comin' back!