Wow! It's been a while since I visited this little space of me. And a lot has been going on that I should probably catch ya'll up on.
I returned to work on January 19th. And it's been HARD. Like REALLY hard. For so many different reasons. Matt and I have been struggling these last 2 weeks...trying to figure things out...trying to get into some sort of routine....just trying to survive each day. Being a working momma ain't for the faint of heart. It's hard - in fact, way harder than I expected. And the hubs and I are both struggling with the fact that this is what we have to do.
I, especially, have had a difficult time making this transition. I LOVED being home with my little guy. And I wish I could stay home with him - or even work part time. But I can't. And I've had many breakdowns these last couple weeks. I get so overwhelmed with everything. I'm so incredibly jealous of people that have options after they have kids. Why can't that be us? Why can't we just get a break one of these days? Why do I have to work? If I have to work, why can't I love what I'm doing? Why can't one thing be easy for us? It all gets to be too much at times.
Having a baby was the easy part. It's the rest of the stuff that's hard. It's hard not being able to spend the time you want to with your baby. It's hard realizing that someone else is basically raising your child. It's hard not to feel overwhelmed when there's so much to juggle and so few hours in a day. It's hard that everything changes all at once. It's hard not to compare to others when your life isn't how you want it to be but it seems like everyone else's is. But we've gotta keep pluggin' away. Taking things day by day. And doing the best we can with what we've been dealt with at the moment.
Hopefully, as time goes on we get into the swing of things better. Being a parent isn't easy. Juggling all things in life is a constant battle. We'll make misakes. We'll screw up. We'll 'live and learn.' I've just gotta learn to deal with the cards that have been dealt to us and to roll with the punches.
I know this is sort of a downer post. But you know - this is real life. And I want this space to be REAL. I don't want a pity party. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us. That's not what this post is all about. It's about true life...
But there's also a lot of good in true life. Like these two...
...my everything right there <3
Happy Friday and have a FANTASTIC weekend!!
This past Saturday, January 10, 2015, I ran my 5th half marathon. It was 18 degrees out. Wind chill was probably around -3 degrees - or less. I had just pushed a baby out of my body 8 weeks before that. The last time I ran 13.1 miles I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. I hadn't trained like I should have. The course was boring (5 laps around a local community college.) It started at 4pm. Therefore, I ran the majority of it in the dark. Yeah...a totally different race than anything I had ran before.
Needless to say, it wasn't pretty. But I finished. And that's all I cared about. I finished in 2 hours 21 minutes and 15.4 seconds. This is the same time as my very first half marathon. And I'm OK with that. I wasn't looking to PR. I just wanted to finish without having to walk any of it. And that I did.
This race was my 'getting back into it' race. I had missed running for so long while pregnant. After I had Camden I couldn't wait to get back to running. After 2 weeks, I started working out again and running very slowly, working my way up to 3 miles. When I found out about this race (when I was still pregnant and not running) I knew I wanted it to be my comeback race. And yet I knew it was SO soon after having a baby. Could I really do it? As I started running again, I wasn't sure it was feasible. But I kept at it and worked my way up to 9 miles - a distance I only ran twice before the race. So to add another 4 miles seemed impossible. Not to mention weather conditions - yuck!! I didn't even sign up for the race until the week of. But with a push from the hubs I finally did. I knew it'd all be mind over matter and that's exactly what it was.
The weather. The boring course. Running in the dark. Running slower than my regular pace. It wasn't a pretty race. It wasn't fun. I wish I had done better. But I did it. And I finally feel a little bit like ME (now if I could just lose these last stubborn 5 pounds...)
People aren't joking...have a baby and life FLIES by. Seriously. How in the world is my little man 2 months old already?! Slow down buddy - mommy isn't ready for you to grow up yet!! I want him to stay little FOREVER!!
WEIGHT - at yesterday's 2 month pediatrician appointment he weighed 8lbs 11.2oz - 3rd percentile
LENGTH - he is 22.25" long - 25th percentile
HAIR - lots of hair and totally ROCKIN' a comb over :)
EYES - still a dark blue/grey color
CLOTHES - he's wearing newborn still - though I have had to put away a couple newborn outfits. He has long arms and legs so this size is getting a little short on him but he needs the newborn in the waist.
DIAPERS - size 1 - they're a little big on him but we're making them work. I am also a Pampers fan!! We have some Huggies that were given to us that work just fine...but I just like Pampers a little better.
SLEEP - Camden still loves to sleep which makes mommy and daddy very happy!!! We're on a great schedule that I hope we can stay on even once he's at daycare. He takes two 2-hour naps each day (his morning nap is always 2 hours...the afternoon one can sometimes only be an hour and a half or an hour and 45 minutes) then a cat nap from about 4:30/5-6pm. He's usually asleep by 8 and has been sleeping through the night quite often. Now if he'd just sleep through EVERY night that'd be awesome! However, we aren't complaining at all with his sleeping :) We're very grateful!
LIKES - snuggling and being held, playing on his playmat, singing songs, being read to, being in his Bjorn...usually (mommy and daddy LOVE to baby wear!!!), standing up, and 'talking' to us.
DISLIKES - being cold, getting woke up, the hour from 6-7pm (it's his fussy time!)
EATING - still exclusively breast fed at this time.
MILESTONES - he smiles and coos quite a bit. He makes so many adorable little sounds!! He has rolled over from his tummy to his back three times but nothing consistent. He loves to stand up and look around and has great control of his head/neck - he's a strong little guy <3
MOMMA'S FAVORITES - snuggling and seeing that adorable lil smile of his!! His smiles and coos just make my day - it's amazing!! Momma also loves to baby wear - we walk around, dance, talk, and just spend time together!!!
BABY ITEMS WE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT - pretty much the same things as last month - his cove, sleep swaddlers, his Sleep Sheep, white noise machine and his paci. Oh, and gripe water - gosh, can't forget the gripe water!! Such a life saver for those annoying hiccups that just won't go away or a gassy tummy.
- overripe bananas gross me out!!
- I will wear flip flops/sandals until it snows.
- I'm the worse dishwasher loader ever. That's Matt's job in our house :)
- I prefer to eat fruits and veggies (like grapes, apples, tomatoes, cucumbers, etc) when they're nice and cold (not room temp or like straight from a garden)
- I don't plan our vacations. Matt does.
- Matt is so not 'my type' - we joke about it all the time. But even so, he's perfect for me and being his wife brings me more happiness than I could have ever imagined.
- My dream job would be a plastic surgeon or work for the FBI.
- I have immense guilt that we can't afford for me to be a stay-at-home mom (Actually this is my DREAM job - I want to be able to stay home with my little man more than anything!)
- I love the smell of Sharpie permanent markers
- I know every word to Salt 'n' Pepa's songs Shoop & Whatta Man
- I get attached (and I mean REALLY attached) to my cars and cell phones.
- The above quote has absolutely nothing to do with this post but it's so ME!!!! ha-ha
- Snuggling with Camden is by far my most favorite thing to do
- My son is currently rockin' a comb over...and I LOVE it!!!
What do YOU confess?
It's officially here. And with the start of a new year I have a list (that is constantly changing) of goals I'd like to accomplish/focus on (just like everyone else!) So here are a few of them....
- soak up EVERY second with these two...
- lose the rest of the weight I gained while pregnant
- run at least 3 half marathons
- go through all my Pinterest boards and clean them out
- read more (so any book suggestions are welcome!)
- go on at least one date each month with the hubs
- get into a routine of preparing at least 4 freezer meals each month
- do fun family activities as much as possible
- pay off my last student loan
What are you goals/resolutions for 2015?
Hey ~ I'm Renée...just your ordinary, 30-something Accountant, new mommy, wife, runner, foodie, & Pinterest addict! Welcome to my newest adventure...stay awhile...look around...and keep comin' back!