It's no secret I'm pregnant...except maybe on Facebook because I haven't 'announced' it there yet...just not my style (oh the horror, I know!) But in any case, a baby will be coming out of my body in 5 weeks...or LESS...hopefully not any longer though ha-ha (Oy!) So, with that being said, my anxiety has been off the wall. Not to mention we're both working long, stressful days. And still getting to the gym 5-6 days a week. And still fitting in everything else life has to throw at us. Yeah, we're busy. Yeah, we're stressed. But we take it day by day...hour by hour if necessary. So even though Matt and I may look like we've got it all together - some days we certainly don't. And on those days, I have a meltdown. How are we going to keep at this when there's suddenly a newborn in the mix?!?! How am I going to balance life?
Let's take a step back. Since, this blog clearly isn't a 'legit' blog and I think everyone who actually reads it knows me in real life, it'll be no surprise when I say I won't be a stay at home mom. Yup, I'll be returning to work - full time. No, we don't have a choice in the matter. I wish I could stay at home. But I can't. For various reasons. Do I feel guilty? Absolutely. Am I already nervous about dropping off my newborn at someone's house that I don't really know? Of course. Am I jealous of other moms who get to stay home with their kids? You better believe it. But this is where we're at. This is what we need to do. There isn't any other option.
But this is just the beginning of my struggles of this new life that's about to happen to us. How am I going to balance it all? A full time job. Being a mommy. Staying fit and active. Being a loving wife. Seeing family and friends. Having some 'me' time. Keeping up the house. It all seems impossible to me...especially on days when I feel overwhelmed about what life is going to be like for us in a few months. I'm such a control freak. Such a perfectionist. Such a planner. All of this...this unknown...creeps into me and sends me into a downward spiral. A spiral of stress. Self doubt. Exhaustion. 'Why me's?' It's no good.
But DEEP (and I mean DEEP) down, I know it's all going to be OK. I have an amazing support system of family and friends. Not to mention a husband who will do anything and everything...no questions asked...and loves and supports me more than I could have ever imagined. Yes, things are going to change...A LOT. Priorities will be different. We'll be even more exhausted. Life is gonna be CR-AZY!! But somehow, someway it's all going to work out. It'll be different than what we're used to now. But that doesn't mean it's going to be bad. We have a lot of adjustments ahead of us...something I'm not good at. But I don't have a choice. I've gotta learn to roll with the punches better. Learn to adapt to change quicker. Learn to lean on others. Learn to accept my downfalls...and that lots of mistakes are going to be made.
I'm scared. I constantly feel anxious. I know there will be plenty more meltdowns before I have this baby. And even more once he arrives. But I also know...you just gotta keep on going...one foot in front of the other...and JUST. KEEP. GOING.
Hey ~ I'm Renée...just your ordinary, 30-something Accountant, new mommy, wife, runner, foodie, & Pinterest addict! Welcome to my newest adventure...stay awhile...look around...and keep comin' back!