After reading Living in Yellow's post from yesterday (which you can read here) I knew I had to follow suit. It's one of the reasons I started this blog to begin with. To put myself out there. To keep it real. To be more open (gosh this is scary...) So here it is: 1. I'm one of the most jealous people you'll ever meet. I'm constantly comparing myself to others. What I do/have/get is never good enough. And because of all this I usually have at least 1 meltdown a week.
2. I've never felt proud of myself. I graduated Magma Cum Laude from college with a degree in one of the hardest programs they offer. I ran a marathon. I purchased a house with my husband. I've never had credit card debt. I paid off a 10 year student loan in under 8 . I've had other accomplishments. Not once could I say to myself that I felt proud of myself. Deep down I feel like there's always better - I could have done more, done better, someone DID do better or more. But I'm working on this. 3. Being an adult is WAY harder than I EVER imagined. Not only is it hard, but it's downright scary. And a lot of time it's really not that fun. 4. I feel like I'm constantly failing at life. Falling behind. Not where I want to be....not where I thought I'd be. But again, I'm working on this (clearly I'm a constant work in progress ha-ha!) 5. Having kids scares the CRAP outta me...and some days I think I really don't want kids. Things aren't like they were when I was a kid. It's tough out there. Do I really want to put kids through that? What if I fail? What if I'm not a good parent? What if nobody likes my kids? (But deep down I know I'd regret not having kids....so yes, we will have children.) 6. I'm not scared of actually being pregnant. I'm not scared of giving birth. I'm scared of what my body will be like afterwards. Shallow? - yes. But that's the truth. 7. Sometimes I use working out as an escape - from reality - from life - from dealing with anything. I extend my work out sessions just so I don't have to go deal with house issues, or think about how behind I am at work, or run errands, or whatever. 8. I don't know how to just live in the moment. I'm constantly going a mile a minute - all day - every day. I'm constantly stressing about things that may or may not happen in 1 week or even 1 year or 5 years. One of my goals for 2014 is to learn to slow down and just enjoy things - even the smallest of details in my everyday, ordinary life. 9. I don't have many friends. 10. I struggle with communicating. I struggle with being vulnerable (ya know - gotta keep that tough girl image!). I struggle with being open. I struggle with how people see me/judge me. I struggle with trusting. (see #9) 11. I dream of getting a boob job one day. 12. I have a dirty mind. And sometimes inappropriate things come out of my mouth because my mind constantly goes to that place (I swear I was a guy in a different life ha-ha) 13. I legit love to pop zits - my own, my husband's, whoever's (OK maybe not just anyone's but if a friend asked me to pop a zit I totally would!) I'm sure there are more things but a girl has to have some secrets. But - this post was exhausting and difficult for me. Seriously. But I did it. This is me. Take it or leave it. But I hope you take away something from this post. Take away the fact that we're all humans and we all need to step out of our comfort zones sometimes. We're not perfect. We all have issues. But that doesn't make us bad people. That doesn't make us weak. It makes us HUMAN...it makes us REAL. Now if only there was a very large glass of wine available to me right now......
4 Comments
Krista
12/19/2013 03:16:48 am
I am EXTREMELY proud of you. I know how hard that post must have been for you and I hope someday you feel as proud of yourself as I am of you. You're so much better than you realize. I wish you could see in you what the rest of us see. :-/ Love you girl!
Reply
Mom
12/19/2013 10:54:21 am
So yes I cried while reading this...I see so much of myself in you (even though you probably hate hearing that). ... I blame myself for some of your insecucurities..and for that I am sorry. I agree with Krista..you need to see what other people see in you...you are an amazing person inside and out and I am so proud to call you my daughter and I love you more than anything.
Reply
Part of overcoming those obstacles are exactly what you're doing here. Admitting them. Making them your truths. I also think you're right on track. It's right around this time we're supposed to have that "oh crap what am I doing" freakout and figure out who we really are.
Reply
This is awesome (seriously, awesome). You're awesome.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorHey ~ I'm Renée...just your ordinary, 30-something Accountant, new mommy, wife, runner, foodie, & Pinterest addict! Welcome to my newest adventure...stay awhile...look around...and keep comin' back! Archives
January 2018
|